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Why You Should Never Spend Money on Women in Relationships
Sending money to a woman is like digging your own grave. Showering her with cash is a bottomless pit. You may think that giving her red envelopes with symbolic numbers like 520 (I love you) or 1314 (forever) will capture her heart, but that’s just a trap you’re digging for yourself. Money and love are not connected. All it does is stimulate greed and magnify the desire to get something without working for it.
Believe it or not, once you start transferring money, it never ends: Valentine’s Day, Qixi Festival, birthdays, anniversaries… it becomes a cycle. Today you send 520, tomorrow 1314, next time if you don’t send 5,200, she won’t even look at you. Why? Because human appetite grows endlessly, like blowing up a balloon—it just keeps expanding.
And the moment your wallet runs dry, she’ll turn against you, regardless of how much you’ve already given. Why? Because direct transfers are gifts; they hand over control of your resources to her. Once the money is sent, your value is gone.
This is why shared spending is better. For example, you take her to a high-end restaurant for 1,000, or a five-star hotel for 2,000. The essence of these acts is: she must be with you to enjoy them. The initiative is in your hands. You also enjoy it. She only gets access when she’s with you. But if you just transfer money or buy gifts outright, then she can enjoy those things even after leaving you. Ever wondered where all those second-hand luxury bags on resale platforms come from? They’re from women cashing out gifts given by men.
Always remember: if you give away your resources blindly, one day when she’s strong enough, she’ll leave you.
Today, I’ll explain from a psychology perspective why you shouldn’t spend money on women—or if you do, what principles to follow.
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1. Women’s underlying psychology is to admire strength.
The biggest misconception in relationships is ignoring this. A woman wants a strong man who gives her care, commitment, and security. Most men only focus on the latter—trying to prove love by transferring money—while neglecting the prerequisite: strength.
It’s not the transfer itself that makes her like you. Without attraction, giving money only makes her feel you’re not worthy, so you need to compensate with money. This puts you in a low position from the start, turning you into a “provider” rather than a true partner. Women instinctively invest in men they perceive as strong, even if the man isn’t objectively wealthy yet. Conversely, they’ll reject men they perceive as weak, even if those men are actually capable. Their judgment is based on instinctual behavioral cues, not just actual strength.
2. The sunk cost fallacy.
Sunk costs are the investments you can’t get back—time, money, effort—that trap you into irrational decisions. Many men can’t escape toxic, one-sided relationships because they’ve invested too much. When effort and return are unbalanced, the mind resists loss and rationalizes it as “true love.” But in reality, they’re just attached to their own sunk costs, not the person.
This leads to a vicious cycle: the more you invest, the more you lose, but you can’t bear to stop. As psychologist Jacques said: “90% of our misfortunes come from not being willing to let go.”
This is why giving money directly increases sunk costs—you’re not seeking love, you’re seeking redemption. Like shopping while hungry, you’ll buy things you don’t need. When you’re in a state of scarcity, you mistake anything for light, but it’s only because you’re desperate for love. That desperation exposes neediness, and women sense weakness, which triggers rejection.
Then What’s the Right Principle?
Some brothers might ask: should we never spend a penny? Wrong. Men can spend money on women, but only under one principle: you spend because it makes you happy, not because she demands it.
If she starts asking, she’s seizing control—and power is every man’s bottom line. Touch a man’s authority, and he’ll turn on you instantly, no matter how much he once loved you.
That’s why successful men rarely hand over full financial control, even after marriage. Power sensitivity is the essence of male success.
So here are three principles to follow:
1. Shared spending is fine.
Food, movies, transport—these expenses enhance shared experiences. But don’t overspend beyond your usual level. If you normally eat at 100–200 places, don’t suddenly jump to 500 or 2,000. This sets unsustainable expectations.
2. Never give direct transfers.
Especially when she asks for it. This is non-negotiable.
3. Gift-giving depends on reciprocity.
During holidays, don’t automatically buy gifts. Ask yourself: has she reciprocated with enough care, effort, and appreciation? If yes, go ahead. If not, don’t. Relationships must be balanced.
Final Words
Love starts with loving yourself first. If a relationship makes you feel suffocated, wronged, or unlike yourself, it’s not healthy. Nobody is indispensable. No one is irreplaceable.
Focus on self-growth—improving career competitiveness, emotional stability, and maturity in relationships. When you cultivate yourself, the ability to attract high-quality love naturally shows in your words, vision, and presence.
✨ Key takeaway: A man’s value is never built by throwing money, but by self-awareness, emotional control, and continuous growth.
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